Sunday, April 9, 2017

RPDR s9e03 • Draggily Ever After • 7 April 2017


What’s happened so far this ninth season?


Nina Bo’nina Brown won the Miss C.U.N.T. pageant.   

NBB is reminding me of Kim Chi in this aspect:

I am now expecting to be wowed
every time she walks the runway.


"That’s a good thing."


Bottom three last week, on the cheerleading challenge were, according to Serena Cha Cha, RuPaul:

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait!  What is with Raven and Delta?  Why did they makeup Ru to RUsemble Serena Cha Cha when she was in the bottom three on that s5e1 challenge?  

You know that Mathu Andersen was not involved in this or Ru would have looked perfect like she usually does.

2008 not withstanding.


At any rate. bottom three last week, on the cheerleading challenge, were, according to RuPaul:

Charlie Hides • 12th of 14


Kimora Blac • 13th of 14


Jaymes Mansfield • 14th of 14

I can’t remember the last time I was so upset that the first contestant was eliminated.  Usually it is someone that has completely hidden their drag strength or skill.

Jaymes, well, we’ve seen her skill in full display on Youtube, especially the Drag Herstory vids.  I do agree with the elimination, she was not as energetic or committed as the other queens on the main challenge.  It was strange seeing both her and Kimora lip synch to Love Shack, and neither doing a great job.  

At least Jaymes didn’t use her hand to emulate a gun in the part of the song where Cindy & Kate sing “Bang, bang, on the door, baby.”

“You do know that in parts of the hood,
that is EXACTLY how we bang on the door.”


"And you thought they just lost their key."


Okay, I’ll go with it.   Jaymes, I think you did the impossible, I think I adore you more than Pork Chop and Kelly Mantle combined, the only first queens to go that I missed immediately.

Alrighty, on with the third episode!

Coming off stage after Jaymes Mansfield’s elimination, we learn that Kimora doesn’t think she deserved to be in the bottom.

Trinity is ready to beat Valentina.   

"Literally, like, with blood as an end result."

Next day as they enter the work room, Valentina is singing.   No one kills her.   Curious.

The next challenge?

They need to create an original fairy tale princess, with a memorable name and mythology.  Then they will create an accompanying sassy side kick

Right away we get an edit of Farrah Moan whining that she doesn’t sew.

Also, one of Kimora Blac being too entitled to bother to sew, she just pays other people to do her work for her.   Well, out in the real world, she does.

Funny how Kimora ends up doing her own work, and Farrah gets LOTS of help from Eureka.  LOTS AND LOTS AND LOTS of help from Eureka.   

"What's an adjective?"

Someone doesn't know her
ABC Schoolhouse Rock history, eh?

Then CLF gave an English lesson to Kimora.  Evidently she was too entitled to go to school, too, huh?  But, please, CLF, Miss CuCu is the English teacher?   C'est incroyable!   She teaches about how she got her name CuCu, too, this episode.

Eureka asks Orlando's Trinity about the Pulse shootings (June 12, 2016.)  Trinity shares that she is a former Miss Pulse.  CLF was supposed to be there that night, but she cancelled.  A fan of hers went to the place anyway, and was fatally shot.   Kudos to WOW for not making this anything other than respectful and appropriate.   You know it could have been handles in a poor manner.

I know that I was bed bound during that time (foot surgery that took forever to recover from.)  (No fear, I did fully recover.)  (Way later than I should have.)   (Thanks, God.)  (Sorry for whining, God.) (Dios mio.)

On the runway, Ru is joined by evil queen Michelle Visage, Carson Kressley, Todrick Hall and Cheyenne Jackson.

Cynthia Lee Fontaine
Princess Cuculina & Buddha Lee *** 
 

Peppermint
Princess Carcinogenetta & Petey the Pilot Light
 

Farrah Moan
Princess Pacifica & Bubblina the Blow Fish
 

Charlie Hides
Princess Climaxica & Isabella Snatch-Packer
 

Eureka O’Hara
Princess You-Reek-of-Daria & “Ruff” Trade 


“Why is everyone saying “rough?”

Alexis Michelle
Princess #Subway Fish & #Subway Tadpole
 

Kimora Blac
Princess Banana Lady & Funky Monkey
 


Why were they so unnerved by the monkey?
Did is throw them that it was robotic, like it upset Michelle?

Nina Bo’nina Brown
Princess Zathena?  Athena?  & Ink?  Inc?
 

Sasha Velour
Princess Uglina & Lump
 


Lump looks a little like Katya to me.

“??????”

Shea Couleé
Princess Aquaria & Moon Pearl
 

Valentina
Princess Vira & Nettie
 

Aja
Princess Disastah & Da Sister
 

Trinity Taylor
Princess Aquapussy & Stanky The Starfish



Ru calls out CLF, CH, EOH, AM, SV and NBB and SC as the middle safe.

RUPAUL: Ladies, you represent this weeks’ beauties, and the beasts.
FARRAH MOAN:  (whining) Oh————!

Peppermint impressed Carson.  She shares how it was based on a kitchen fire she experienced as a child.

Farrah Moan is clocked by Todrick Hall for wrapping a piece of fabric around her waist.  Carson read her for looking like her face was in a script.  (It was!)

Kimora Blac failed to impress the judges with both her character and her side kick.  Michelle thought the Funky Monkey was robotic.  Kimora shares how rough her life is without a padded butt.

And I thought these people had it rough.

Later Michelle & Ru decided to host a telethon for Kimora to get better pads.  Or more pads.   Maybe both?

Valentina wowed Cheyenne Jackson.  Carson loves the shady sidekick.

Aja confused Michelle with every bit of the challenge.  

 
“Did anybody get that?"

“No!”

Her makeup is too dark, too.

Cheyenne felt compelled to keep saying Aquapussy as Sean Connery might have (even though Roger Moore was the one in Octopussy.)   Michelle praised Trinity for delivering on comedy, and not resting on pageant. 

Peppermint is safe.

Kimora Blac is up for elimination.

“This is the worst feeling in the world.”

“How could anyone deal with *that* kind of stress?”

Trinity Taylor wins!

Valentina is safe.

Farrah Moan is bottom three, but safe.

Aja is up for elimination.

Over on Untucked, the middle girls were confused, they all thought they were all in the top.

Remember how the beginning of episode 3 started with the queens complaining that Jaymes Mansfield was too fearful?

Well, they are complaining about Valentina being too fearless in episode 3 of Untucked.  One can never please a competitor, I guess.

Alexis Michelle dubs Nina Bo'nina Brown's face work as ‘soft sculpture.’

“Hey!  That’s MY phrase.”

Soon enough they are all talking about which fellow contestants they want to have sex with.

Adore & Detox will be proud to know they all wanna do each other.

Aja is so upset and in shock that she is rude to pretty much everyone.  But she really laid in on Valentina, and it wasn’t called for at all.

Kimora shares how much she loves all of the other queens.  Where did THAT come from?   Maybe she got a bad edit before?   There’s more to KB than mere entitlement!  Imagine that, she’s a real person.  Good on her.  Now I like her.

Aja & Kimora lip synch to Bonnie Tyler’s #34 Holding Out For A Hero (from the 1984 Footloose OST)  (I know, only #34?  Amazing.)

Like last week, neither seemed to do the song justice.   However, Aja had more energy, moves, including death drops and jumps.  That puts her way in front of Kimora.  

Even if neither were giving me Bonnie
Tyler at the Grand Canyon realness.

Not even Arby’s realness.

Doesn't matter.  The judges, and the other queens LOVED it.

As Kimora Blac is leaving, it hits me, I think I’m going to cry every time someone leaves this season.  No cheering that anyone is gone.   =o(

Tune in next week when Naya Rivera guest judges a morning talk show challenge!

I guess some people weren't available.

ILYM

***  I could not understand half of the sidekick names.  I did my best, but I fear I flunked majorly.

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