Saturday, September 19, 2015

Project Runway s14e07 • Haute Tech • 17 September 2015

Last time on Project Runway the designers created fresh ideas for Heidi Klum’s lingerie line.

Merline won the challenge,

Jake was bottom two with a boring design,

but Blake’s poor support & simple design sent him packing.

It's a new day in, well, not in the old Parsons building, or The Atlas, that much I can tell you.  The production crew plants boom boxes and cassettes for the designers to play.

No, it ain't that.

“Oh my God, I cannot remember
the last time I saw a boom box.
Honestly I think it was the last
time I saw Madonna in concert.”

What, last month?

The designers meet up with Tim Gunn and Marie Claire’s Editor In Chief Anne Fulenwider

at my first apartment in some beautiful section of the tri-state area.

The contestants will dumpster dive for outdated technology to create a modern & fashionable look.  Another “Mood’s too far away, so let’s have yet another unconventional materials challenge!”  Project Runway season 14:  The Glue Gun season.  Ugh.

Swapnil is drawn to the white half basketball iMac.  “I’m gonna make Wall-E!”   Well, no, you’re going to make "Eve," with the 2002 iMac.  God, I wish I could just take that home and refurnish it.  The computer.


They schlep their materials like a gaggle of homeless people over to their workroom.  It’s a one day challenge, but it looks like they have approximately 12 hours.  Okay, there are all those interviews and breaks, but at least it isn’t a 5 hour challenge.

Why did they use the water ripple effect on Swapnil’s ethereal interview?  

Shouldn’t they have used the opacity effect instead?
Maybe with some glitter?  But, not paillettes.

Swapnil booms out a “YOU!  BETTER!  MAKE!  IT!  SEXY!” to Joseph, a.k.a. Mr. Mumsy.

“No, Mr. Matronly.”

I guess one can be both.

Soon they are in the work room , and Tim is nailing the concept into the contestant’s heads:  “You need to transform these unconventional materials into modern fashion.   The ideal is that whatever you design doesn't look like what it is.  Now, this needs to be wearable.”  Then Tim does his best Robby The Robot, to mimic un-wearability.

“I find that offensive!”

Wait, more like:

“I find that offensive!”

Then Jake pulls Tim aside to say,

“I find that offensive.”

No, his beloved dog is on his way out, and Jake decides to leave the show.

"No, you canNOT use my hanky."

If you were on the show, wouldn’t you demand that your family and friends keep every bit of current events AWAY from you, so you could compete on the show without worry?  Also, I thought contact was kept to a minimum, except for those rare moments when someone gets a heavy handed loser edit.   I don’t blame you, Jake, and blessings to you and your dearly departed.  But, geez, there’s enough drama for these people, leave them alone to compete.


Lindsey is underwhelmed, but Tim steers her in the right direction.  She wants to go romantic, but doesn’t believe it still can be with anything other than a long skirt.

Candice is using wire.  Tim’s time with her seems uncharacteristically short.  Safe middle, right?

Ashley takes 20 minutes to explain her concept.   Therefore she’s top 3 or bottom 3, eh?  Tim likes that he can still tell that she is using Polaroids.  

Kelly is designing the ultimate Heidi S.T.S., meaning short, tight & shiny.  Kel likes the armor aspect of the duct tubing.  Tim is reminded of a paillette.   Kelly just goes along with it, but she later interviews she had no idea what Tim was saying about pie.  

I bet she didn’t even get Tim’s
Lost In Space Robot reference.

Tim advises Edmond not to be so simple.  He likes Edmond’s keys from a keyboard for embellishment.

Merline (who has immunity) is told her shoulder is ‘Big Bird-ish” but she could still maneuver her way to success.  She later seems proud that she is making a bird outfit.  Wha?

Joe tells Tim what he is doing, and the strangest thing happens.   He seems so calm and in control that Tim tells him he is just going to leave him alone.  What?  No, “This concerns me?”   I was on board with the blue cord and black cord, but when he wanted to add green circuit boards I was repulsed.  Why did Tim just leave him alone when he stated he might have muslin showing?

You know it, Boys.

Laurie hasn’t transformed her mouse pads.  It’s a mouse pad dress.  She interviews that she doesn’t want to go gimmicky.  Ah, she’s not inspired, she’s annoyed by the challenge.   Whoops.

Swapnil tells Tim he will use muslin for the skirt.   At least Tim tells him not to use the muslin.  (But why didn’t he tell Joe that?)   Tim likes the direction Swapnil is going, but is fearful there isn’t enough time to finish.

“There is potential here for having the best unconventional materials challenge in the history of Project Runway.  I’m gonna emphasize POTENTIAL.  You all have a lot of work to do  But, I am so excited by the work that you are doing, it’s completely awesome!”

Then Swapnil explains his concept of aiming low to be safe middle.  He’s only going at 60%.  Candice is right, in interview she thinks the judges will pick up on his not giving it his all.  Then, I think, maybe he is just overwhelmed by the amount of work, and is using her verbiage as a cover up?  I don’t know.  I don’t have enough training, or money, to come up with a diagnosis.

Soon the music editor plays season one’s “Hair! Makeup!” in B, so all is well.  Even if Swapnil relaxes with a soft drink product during musical throwback.  

Joining Heidi, Zac & Neener (why won’t she call her Nina?) are guest judges actress Paula Patton and Marie Claire’s Editor in Chief Anne Fulenwider.

Swapnil Shinde

Swapnil over interviews “I think I might win this one!”  I blurt out, no, Tim will use the Tim Gunn save with this one.

Edmond Newton

Lindsey Creel

Candice Cuoco

Laurie Underwood

Kelly Dempsey

Merline Labissiere


Joseph Charles Poli

Ashley Nell Tipton

Heidi calls the runway show spectacular.   She calls out Merline, Lauire & Candice to return the shopping carts to Gristedes as middle safe and kicks them out.

Edmond’s outfit ...

Wait a minute, did Zac just wink at him?  Was that a hit?

Or was Zac just thinking of Alyssa Edwards’ “back rolls?”  Nina calls it both futuristic & current.  And, for some reasons, she says "a lot" a lot.

“I’d wear it.”

The actresses always employ such bon mots, bien sur.

Zac admires the vision to make an accessory.

Joseph’s look is bulky and stiff.  Nina wants creativity.  Zac questions the vagina thread, and finds it uninspiring.

Swapnil is called out immediately on the skirt being made of muslin.   Nina gives the dreaded “what happened?”  Zac is hugely disappointed.

Ashley’s Polaroid dress is a hit with all of the judges.  Zac applauds her creative process, and praises her, then scolds her: “Stop second guessing yourself!”

Heidi wants to wear Kelly’s dress out.  Well, S.T.S., of course.  Zac sees the tin man’s girlfriend, and that’s a compliment.    Nina appreciates the playing with texture, and that she edited.

Nina saw no transformation with Lindsey’s work.  Zac sees bathroom tiles on the top and a shower curtain bottom.

And suddenly Heidi was telling Swapnil to trademark “Swapnil juice.”  I wonder if any is being sold on eBay?   Hell, I’ll put some water from the garden hose in an old plastic jug and sell it for $50 on Craigslist or Offerup.


Kelly is the winner.   I thought they were going to give it to Ashley, but Kelly earned it, too.  All is good.  Ashley and Edmond are safe.

Swapnil is in.  Bottom two are Lindsey and Joseph.

Joseph is out, so Lindsey is in.

True to PR form, Joseph doesn’t agree with the elimination.  Of course the judges got it wrong.  Oy and vey.

Tune in next time for Mr. Schue with an overgrown beard!  Don’t tell me—he needs a dress for a premier, eh?

And, in a legitimate twist, Tim turns his Tim Gunn Save into a Tim Gunn Elimination and kicks out Swapnil on the spot for not bothering to try on the next challenge.


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