Wednesday, April 3, 2013

RPDR s5e9Drama Queens • 1 April 2013

Last time on RuPaul's Drag Race the contestants created perfume to market & sell.

Alaska had the judges in stitches.

Alaska won the challenge.
Alyssa & Ivy were in the bottom two,
with Ivy being eliminated.

Before we begin, let's take a look at how the remaining contestants are doing, using the ol' point system: 3 for a win, 2 for placing 2nd, 1 for 3rd, 0 for safe, -1 for bottom 3, -2 for bottom 2 and -3 for being eliminated.  Brace yourself, there will be math involved!

Behold!  The power of MATH !!!

Roxxxy Andrews (3, 0, 2, -1, 2, 2, -2, -1)  = 5
Alyssa Edwards (0, 0, 0, 3, -1, -1, -2, -2)  = -3
Detox Icunt (0, 0, 3, 0, -2, 0, 0, 2)  = 3
Jinkx Monsoon (0, 0, 2, 2, 3, 2, 2, 2)  = 13
Coco Montrese (0, 0, -2, 0, 0, -1, 3, -2)  = -2
Alaska Thunderfuck (2, 0, -1, 0, 2, -1, 2, 3)  = 7

No WONDER I am now pulling for Jinkx ... she's in the lead with 13, and Alaska is second with 7.    Alyssa is last with -3, but Coco is right behind her (in front of her?) with a -2.

Or, this is the order they should be, not alphabetical.

1. Jinkx with 13
2. Alaska with 7
3. Roxxxy with 5
4. Detox with 3
5. Coco with -2
6. Alyssa with -3

For the mini-challenge the six remaining drag racers are tasked to cry on cue for Ru.  In the sharing circle, they all seem to cry, but I don't see any mascara running, or tears falling.

That ain't right.

Jinkx keeps making everyone laugh, which can't be helping any.

Where's Layana when you need her?

And, then, Detox uses real life, the finding of his ex, dead, as inspiration to cry genuine tears.

Ru declares Alyssa (???) and Detox co-winners.  I don't know, I think these did cry better, don't you?

Not to mention one of my all time FAVORITE crying jag:

Alright, hold on, I'm back.  Ru declares Alyssa (???) and Detox co-winners.  You know what that means, right?  Teams!

HK: Never before in the history of proj-   TG: Oh, shut up.

You, too.

The main challenge is to act in a telenovela.  Detox reassembles Rolaskatox with Alaska and Roxxxy.  Alyssa has Jinkx & Coco.  Didn't Alyssa just dis both of them mere minutes ago? 

What, I'm only good enough for Karma,
but not for a reference to the Jinkx hat?

Fine, there you go.

On the Ru-thru he questions Alyssa with casting Coco as the ugly maid.  He accuses Detox of not aiming high with her hilarious mask.  Well, if you're cast as an ugly maid, this ought to HELP, not hinder.

Okay, maybe it's a bit too wicked witch, eh?

They meet with Maria Conchita Alonzo and RuPaul to go through their lines.  Each team has trouble, but we know how this works, they will struggle now and then have a wonderful edit shown to the judges at runway time.  Right?

Oh, honey, before we go any further ...

Didn't Wilmer turn into quite the hottie?

How did they do?  Let's take a look, por favor.

Detox Icunt

Roxxxy Andrews

Alaska Thunderfuck

Alyssa Edwards

Coco Montrese

Jinkx Monsoon

First off, somewhere Mondo is smiling, si?  Maybe Nicole, too, huh?

The judges rave over Roxxy, Jinkx and Alaska.  The judges act like any of them could win, but I suspect it will be Jinkx.  So do the people who are watching with me.  Alyssa is clearly the worst, but who places fourth and fifth for the week?  Who will be lip synching along with Alyssa?  Oh, wait a minute, Ru knows how to milk drama.  It MUST be Coco, right?

Before I continue, Mr. Rice, were you not around for Shangela's outfits.  Were you not around for your OWN work on season 2 of Project Runway?  How about the PR All-Stars mini-special in 2009?

I thought so.

I will say that I am grateful for the shorter hair than back in the day.

Jinks is the winner of this challenge!  She is the only contestant to have won twice now.  The others have all each won once.

Detox is declared safe, and we know it's Coco and Alyssa in the bottom.  Their song to lip synch is Paula Abdul's #1 summer of 1989 "Cold Hearted."

Didn't they just do this over on Glee, WITHOUT the hurried spoken section?

Alyssa isn't bad, but Coco is pointing to her perfect enunciation!

It was Alyssa's time to go.  

Now that we have a top 5, who do you want in the finale?  Who do you want to win it all?  It's gonna be hard to not root for Jinkx, don't you think?  I hope the top 3 are Jinkx, Alaska and Detox.

And Vicky Vox better be on season 6!


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