Wednesday, October 24, 2012

RuPaul's Drag Race All-Stars e1 • 22 October 2012

So, RPDR is back and all is right once again with the world, eh?  Geez, how wrong could I have BEEN?  Let's break down what happened.

 But first, I have to explain why I am going to hell.
A week ago I was a good gay who lusted after Mike Ruiz,
just like any other gay man would.
However, I have now seen his PSA so many times
I can repeat it verbatim.  I no longer care about AIDS,
or other people's pain, or even Mike Ruiz.
He can now drop off the face of the earth.
Please, Mike, Logo, ANYBODY ...
If you are going to advertise something over & over
ad nauseum, perhaps you could have more than 
one version of the commercial, don't ya think?

So, let's take a gander, eh?

Did you notice that between shots of Pandora Boxx and Latrice Royale, they cut to a shot of Greg Grunberg?  I mean, he's hot, but — why?

Relax, Gianni, I'm here for your enjoyment.  
The girl is about to kill Mike Ruiz for you. 

So, they all meet up, like any other season, yes?  We kind of knew that they were being paired off into teams, right?  I mean, we knew for sure there were 12 contestants and only 6 episodes, so that they would be eliminating 2 people an episode.  We knew they would probably throw together a bunch of prior challenges all at once.   So far, so good.

So, the contestants are waiting for RuPaul to arrive,
but all I can think of is ...

It doesn't make me wish I had AOL so I could make my own RuPaul sound set.
Hey!  I could make my own RuPaul OS sound set, though!  Damn, I'm on it!

So, RuPaul brings out the Pit Crew, and all I can think of is the news we learned last month.   The less tall one, Shawn Morales, was kicked out of his gym because he was, how shall I put it, over-ripe.   Yes, he thinks he is too cool for deodorant.   How do the contestants put up with this?  I would just have to give him a sponge bath with lots of rubbing alcohol.  Or maybe substitute him with an ugly person who KNEW HOW TO BATHE and APPLY DEODORANT.

How did RuPaul put up with this?   It boggles my mind.  See, I thought RuPaul was perfect.  She probably still is.   There must be more to this.   I'm going to go take a shower and then use a lot of deodorant, baby powder, and whatever the hell else I can find.

So, RuPaul had the contestants choose their teammates, blind, though.  First round Raven & Jujubee chose each other, Shannel and Chad Michaels picked each other, and Nina Flowers and Tammie Brown teamed up.  The next round Latrice Royale and Manila Luzon got together, as did Yara Sofia and Alexis Mateo.  That left Pandora Boxx and Mimi Imfurst with each other, and Pandora did NOT like it.

Ru then tasked them for a high fashion photo spread.    The first photo, half-baked (mid-transformation, no wig.)    The second, "Opposites Attract:"  A wet & wild photo that shows what makes each team member dynamically different.   Oh, they can't do their own make-up, they do each other's.   Then they come down the runway in cohesive looks.

What you need to know beforehand is that Shannel and Chad were certain they were the dream team every step of the way.  Okay, they have known each other in real life, and have even worked together, and they have similar aesthetics.  You could buy that, eh?

However, did you anticipate that Pandora Boxx was going to have such a bad attitude for being paired with Mimi Imfurst?   I tried to put myself into her shoes, I tried to give her a pass, but, I kept thinking, Pandora, you made this much worse than it had to be.   Perhaps Mimi isn't the ideal, but you are the one who brought the team down by not engaging with your teammate.  You left poor Mimi flailing to do all of the work, while you just stood there, annoyed, like you were too good to work with her.  Give your Miss Congeniality award over to Jujubee, Pandora, or better yet, back to RuPaul.  You no longer deserve it.

Besides, Mimi Imfurst was looking good, and was trying to be a better person and contestant.  Both of them have strong acting / comedy chops, so that should have been enough to help them be a good team, don't ya think? 

On to the results:

Brown Flowers






Latrilla and Rujubee were called out as top 2 with Latrilla earning the win, woo-hoo!  Brown Flowers were called out safe.  Mandora was named bottom two: Mimi Imfurst for her inability to dress her newly svelte body and Pandora Boxx for her inability to get along and work with her teammate.  Shad was named bottom two, so that leaves Yarlexis safe.

One team member is chosen to do the LSFYL, but Ru advises that the non lip syncher may hit the buzzer within a minute into the song ONCE during the entire competition, and replace her teammate, should she think she needs replacing.  (No one did during All-Stars episode one.)

As for the lip synch ... oy.  I've had Peter Griffin singing "I'm Dressed Like A Cat" ringing in my ears for hours now.  Shame on you, RuPaul!   Okay, that can be the one fault that keeps RuPaul from being perfect, in my mind.

So Chad Michaels was up against Mimi Imfurst, and while each did fine, really, there was no contest. Chad was achieving more without seemingly trying as hard.

So, I was crushed that Pandora became a self-righteous meanie.   I felt bad for Mimi Imfurst when the others failed to treat her with any courtesy.    I didn't think she was going to go all the way, or even half way, but, geez, let her EARN it, don't sabotage by playing games, contestants. 

Then I learned that Manila Luzon's significant other had passed away, season 2 contestant Sahara Davenport.  I was all kinds of sad.  How did I miss that news?  Condolences to all those grieving.   What a serious loss.

As far as Untucked, we got to see Willam (Yea!) and we learned that Mimi Imfurst got a job at Alexis Mateo's expense, but other than that, nothing necessarily important.  I'm still in shock that Pandora Boxx isn't the sweetheart I thought she was.  Yeah, I know this is TV, and staged TV at that.  I'm over it, er, her, and I'm rooting for Manila Luzon and Nina Flowers and Latrice Royale and .. geez ... this is getting TOUGH.   I guess as long as Phical Matter doesn't win, I'm good.


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